I hate kids. There are these white couples moving in and dropping babies left and right. I look at these kids and think...."hmmm that one going to be gay..." So I decide to put something together to help them with at least naming their gays correctly. And it also determine if they
have a gay son or not. That's right, I'm not addressing lesbian's names cause I don't know
anything about p****. And all lesbians do is just change their name to a boy's name anyway. i.e. Tammi, changed to Bobbi.
Is your newborn male child gay? He probably is, especially if your baby displays these signs:
-> Excessive fondling of own genitalia,
-> Excessive drooling (a precursor to lisping),
-> Long periods of staring at ceilings or walls (your baby may be thinking of new ways to re-decorate your home),
-> Nonsensical vocal babbling and waving of hands,
-> Sudden loss of bladder control ("golden shower" play),
-> Sudden loss of bowel control (the "Cleveland Steamer"); and/or,
-> Crying or emotional distress for no apparent reason.
If your male infant is showing one or more of these signs: YOUR BABY IS GAY. As a responsible parent of a totally gay baby, you must now provide him with a suitably gay name. With gay male children, you must avoid straight names such as "Mark", "David", or "Scott"; these will only confuse and traumatize your baby later on in life when he is with all his gay leather-wearing friends named "Elliot", "Wesley", or "Bryce"... all perfectly gay names. General tips in naming your gay baby include:
-> Avoid one-syllable names such as "Dan", "Bob", or "Fred". The more consonants in a name, the gay-er it is. "Jeremy" and "Elliot", each respectively possessing three consonants and therefore excellent "Lisp Quotient", are wise choices indeed for your budding homosexual.
-> Male names that are ambiguous in gender or sound similar to a female name are wonderful, simply fabulous choices. Such names include "Adrian", "Drew", and "Rikki". A small caution, however: feminine-sounding male names may encourage Transvestism in your gay child, and if you are a mother unwilling to share your wardrobe, high heels, and cosmetics, you should avoid these names.
-> Some straight names can be turned into gay names by adding the vowels A, E, I, O, and sometimes Y (there are no gay names ending in "U" except "Keanu"). For Example:
the vowel 'A': Andre (straight) - Andrea (gay, sure to promote Transvestism) the vowel 'E': Seth (straight) - Sethe (gay waiter-style of spelling 'Seth')
--> the vowel 'I': Nick (straight) - Nicki (gay, see vowel "A")
--> the vowel 'O': Marc (semi-gay) - Marco (very gay)
--> the confused vowel 'Y': Paul (straight) - Pauly (Shore, comedian who's just gay) It is best to have a gay priest baptize your gay baby in your particular faith; that is, if your religion doesn't violently oppose or murder gay people when no one's looking. If your church will not recognize your gay child, you should convert to one of the following religious organizations immediately:
-> Unitarianism
-> Wicca
-> Amway
In Conclusion: Do not worry about the sexuality of your gay male child! As long as he is happy in his life and in all the hardcore gay sex acts he will no doubt perform as an adult on multiple male partners many, many times in many, many positions in a wide variety of bathhouses, gay bars, and national parks across the country... not worrying is the important thing to keep in mind. So when thinking of a name, you parent of a gay baby, you: homosexual children need homosexual names for a mentally well-balanced emotional life. And don't worry if your gay child named "Rupert", "Gareth", or "Oliver" gets beat up in the schoolyard during recess by bullies; it is not because of his name, it's because he is, well, totally gay.
